So what is your anger language?

Your anger language is which emotion typically triggers your anger.

Most people believe that their anger "just happens" in one of two ways:

Either they can't help themselves or someone or something makes them angry.

The reality is...

The reality is you can help yourself and no one makes you angry, because anger is a choice.

The reason anger is a choice is because anger is a secondary emotion. In other words, before you feel anger, you have felt something else first.

Which one comes first?

There are three primary emotions or feelings that typically come before anger. The top three are:

1. Frustration - Something has not gone your way, gotten in your way, or frustrated you in some other way.

2. Fear - You have gotten scared by something or you are extremely worried about something.

3. Hurt - You got your feelings hurt.

A little practice

Here is what you can practice - the next time you get angry, pay attention to what you were feeling before you got angry. Was it frustration, fear, or hurt?

As you get good at identifying which feeling usually comes first for you, you will be able to identify this as your primary anger language.

Whatever your primary anger language is, deal with that emotion first and then the need for the anger diminishes or disappears.

Jeff Herring

Jeff is a marriage and family therapist, singles and relationship coach, mentor coach, speaker, syndicated relationship columnist and author.

Jeff has a full time private practice in Tallahassee in which he specializes in couples, teen and parent counseling. He also is a relationship coach specializing in working with couples and singles. Some of his professional activities include:

==> Internationally syndicated relationship columnist through Knight-Ridder/Tribune Media Services, with a weekly readership of over 10 million worldwide

==> Sought after speaker for organizations, associations, churches, and corporations

==>Twice weekly appearances on The Steve and Sara Show on Magic 107.1

==> Author of "Keep the Changes: 52 Tools for Successful Living" a collection of his best columns, as well as several e-books including "How to Create a Passionate and Loving Relationship.........Forever," "How to Beat the BOZOs: Dealing with difficult people without becoming one," and "Tame Your Teen: THE survival guide for parenting your teenager.

==> Founder and CEO of TheArticleGuy.com

==> Founder and CEO of SecretsofGreatRelationships.com

==> Founder and CEO of ParentingYourTeeanger.com

==> Founder and CEO of ToolsforSuccessfulLiving.com

==> President of BuildingYourIdealPractice.com

==> President of ConsciousDatingTallahassee.com